A Belated Prada

So...

I used the money Asif gave me for my b-day (finally!)

This year...Asif got me an 83% of a Prada cards holder. I think it's a very appropriate gift as: 1) I needed (being the important person that I am, who needs to carry her business cards all the time now!) 2) it's a designer item (goes well with my image of designer items collector!!)

so next time you see me.... ask me for my business card!!

Billboard Me!

Dubai is the center of “-est” mania.

Here is just a few of the most recent examples:

The world’s largest indoor ski slope
The world’s tallest building
The world’s biggest mall

The World’s God knows what… if its adjective ends with (-est) then it must be in Dubai!


But the mania has reached billboards!

















Wait!
Let me start from the beginning… (as in the chronological order I noticed these signs)

The billboard mania first started with poster-sized ads placed between lanes at intersections. Mostly by Damas Jewelry and McDonalds… (hidden message = if you are feeling depressed because you can’t afford the diamonds, nothing would cure that like comfort food, YUM!!!)

Then, taxis started to have ads on them. (You freaking ME Bank taxi, MOVE AWAY!)

That was followed by the boards that cover the hideous never-ending construction sites. (You mean Nivea is not being made behind these walls??!)

Of course by that time, the multimedia weaved into its place in the billboard industry, and you could literally watch movies on billboards. (You, you idiot, it’s green! Catch the end of the movie next time you stop!)

Then came Towers boards. The Horror Billboards!
First they draped windowless sides of the building with posters. All sizes of posters; from a couple of meters to as tall as the building.
Then someone came up with a “smarter” idea, where they wrap the entire building with advertisement graphics.
This was another reason to build even more taller buildings, as the taller your building is, the more cash you get from advertisements (given you can afford to build anything of course!!). It also meant that you save on the landscape design, as all you need is a block of bricks on Shaikh Zayed road!!

During this time, someone discovered that lampposts can also generate income. And so, every lamppost in the city is the pole of some board.

Another miserable fellow discovered the edges of bridges, and now before even the bridge is finished, the banners are placed!

Driving on Shaikh Zayed road feels like driving into a media infestation. Ads are everywhere: right, left, center, above, and beside you as the buses has also joined the circus and is fully covered with ads, and the trucks with glass cases (I have no idea what this is called, but it does look like a showcase) which slow down the traffic while emanating messages of what’s best for us, what will make us more beautiful, what will make us live happily ever after, blah blah blah.

And not to forget HP’s orange boards on the Radars. Someone has to check if HP’s message to drive safely is working for them or against them. I personally think that HP blundered by associating itself to the most hateful speed radars.


The funny part is that I have become blind to the extravaganza of colors. A billboard has to be black to catch my attention. Not that I want it to catch my attention. I once lost control of my car and almost hit the pavement as I was completely absorbed by a Showtime ad about some new program!!


So how did the (-est) mania reach the billbards?

Well…

Just at the exit from Shaikh Zayed to my home, the longEST billboard recorded in history is erected. The 400 meter long billboard is the apex of ADCB’s campagin for its Mortgage Services. I took this picture as I was passing by it today. Gosh how much I hate it!!













I’m happy to announce that this billboard glory will not stay for long.
No, it will not be leveled!!! I wish!!
It will no longer be the longest. This distinction will be given soon to the new billboard, also on Shaikh Zayed Road, that would cover the side of Dubai Marina. A whooping 1 km long of an Emmar message! I could just see how long that drive would be!! URGH!!


When you see the following pictures, can you wonder what would they think of next??
















































Or....

















:D

Fables of a Female Lover - 1

I needed some cheering up. So I dug up the first part of an Arabic prose series (translates to “the Fables of a Female Lover”)which I was famous for, once upon time, in the online Arabic community.

Hope you enjoy it as I do each time I read them!

خزعبلات عاشقة
==============


(أنانية)

أحيانا...أكره أنانيتك...
في حبك
وأحيانا... أتعمد إساءة معاملتك
لتزداد َ أنانية!

==============

(تصحيح حقيقة)

تعلمت في المدارس
أن القمر يسكن بعيدا في السماء
ولكنني اكتشفت...
حين سهرنا تلك الليلة على الشاطئ
أن القمر يقطن في عينيك
وأنه يشع بسخاء!

==============

(جنون)

منذ أحببتك
والثلج يغطي الصحراء
والأسماك تغرد على الأغصان
وأسراب الطيور تسبح تحت الماء
منذ أحببتك
و الشمس تشرق في منتصف الليل
وتغرب وهي لازالت في كبد السماء
ويظهر قوس قزح دون مطر
ويورق الشجر في أقسى شتاء

منذ أحببتك
وأنا أعيش في حالة جنون..حمقاء!

==============

(مطر)

تكلم...
قل ما تريد...
وما لا أريد...
فقط لا تتوقف عن الكلام...
فصوتك...لقلبي
كالمطر للصحراء
وقد مللت الجَهام!


(الجهام = السحاب الذي لا ماء فيه)

==============

(محبرة عاشقة)

حين أمسك القلم لأكتب...
عن أي شيء...غيرك
يقفز القلم من يدي احتجاجا
وتحكم المحبرة غطائها اعتصاما وتضامنا
وإن كتبت اسمك
يحضن القلم يدي...كي لا أتركه
وتُورِد المحبرة...
ويتحول الأزرق على الورق
قوسَ قزح ملوّنـا

==============

(رقصة قلب)

كان قلبي يدق بانتظام
قبل أن تملأ تجاويفه بالحب
الآن...
تغيرت دقاته...
وأصبح يتراقص كل ساعة
على جميع أنغام الغرام!

==============

(حب لا تمحيه الأيام)

رجل...ثم رجل آخر
أحب هذا... أحب ذاك
لعبة ساذجة بالمشاعر
ومحاولة بائسة لإبدال حبك المكابر
وتظل في قلبي متربعا عرشه
وتظل في الفكر والخاطر
وتظل الرجل الذي أضعت
بقرار طائش عاثر!

==============

(سياسة قلبي)

أحبك أن تكون
ديموقراطيا في حبك لي...
أن تعطيني بعضا من حريتي..
ولكني...لا أستطيع
إلا أن أكون دكتاتورية في حبي لك
فهل تقبل سياستي؟

==============

(دلال)

أحيانا...
أحب أن تدللني
أن تعاملني كطفلة
بريئة
تحملني بكفيك
تحادثني بعينيك
أن تغمرني بزنابق ملونة

وأحيانا...
أحب أن تدللني
أن تتركني على هواي
وبجنوني
أن تسايرني حتى الهاوية
وأن تنتظرني أسفلها
لتستقبلني بحنان إن سقطت!

==============

(سبب حبي)

أحبك... لا لأنك تستحق هذا الحب
ولا لأنك فارس أحلامي
أحبك...
لأنك تهتم بكل أمور حياتي
لأنك تشعرني برغبتك
أن تكون روحي الثانية في جسدي

==============

(عجز اللغة)

هل يكفي أن أقول أني
أحبك
أهواك
أعشقك
أنني غارقة في محيط غرامك؟
هل يكفي أن أكتب عنك
عن جنوني بك
عن لذة الحياة حين أكون معك؟
وهل تكفي اللغة
وحروفها الثمان والعشرين
في أن تحكي لك
عن معنى كل دقة من قلبي!
حبيبي...
أحبك...أحبك...أحبك
وليتني أستطيع البوح لك بحبي!!!


تحياتي
بنت العرب
6/11/2000

Sad-dam Memories!

Saddam Hussein, the ex tyrant of Iraq, will go to “trial” today.

I can’t decide on how exactly I feel about this.

I’m SAD. I’m sad because the US is still terrorizing the people of Iraq under the guise of freedom (though only a blind can’t see through this excuse), but has put their old and ragged puppet back in play to distract us (and we LOVE distractions!)

And I almost don’t give a DAMn about the whole crusade.

Yes it’s one of those moody days.



I remember the days when the Kuwaitis used to idolize Saddam. He featured in the news almost as much as the Kuwaiti prince, and almost as adoring.
I used to hate him. Such an arrogant bastard I used to think then. Especially when he would dress in white for his birthdays and have people kiss his hand. Bigheaded brute.



During his invasion of Kuwait (oh yes, it’s not the Iraqi invasion any more), I remember the shock, the distress, the worry, the fear, the agony, the deprivation, and the terrible feeling of being exiled from what I considered to be HOME, that my family & I went through.

I remember as I was in my early teens, chanting in the streets of London, with many Kuwaitis: “Saddam Saddam, you are bad….butcher butcher of Baghdad”. I was chanting and chanting till I dropped unconscious in the middle of the march.

I remember the happiness and the exhilaration when Kuwait was liberated (though, even at that young age, I thought it’s not the US business to interfere!).



For a long time, I resented Saddam. After all, he was the one that made my family and I leave Kuwait, and seek residence in different countries.

I do not resent him any more. If it was not for the invasion, I wouldn’t have met my friends in Amman, London, Montreal and Dubai. Yes, I’ve lost contact with my childhood friends, but the ones I made are as good.
If it was not for the invasion, I would have continued my education in the Kuwaiti system, and most probably graduated from there too, and at the same token I would have missed the international education I now possess.



I remember the day when I saw Baghdad fall. 9th of April. Hiba’s Birthday.
Betrayal was the domineering emotion that day, followed closely by complete shock.
That was mirrored on the day that Saddam was arrested.

So Saddam is an arrogant bastard. But Bush is a vain creep and barbaric boor!
It’s a case of choosing the less of two evils. And I’ll choose Saddam over Bush any day! Saddam even looks better than Bush!!!



Now that Saddam is facing trial, I think he is lucky that he didn’t end up like the was his two sons did. The trial is a joke of course, and it is purely for entertaining the American people who are hooked on celebrity trials.
I pray, however, that Bush would receive the same end as Udai and Qussai Saddam for all those who died by American weapons in Palestine, Afghanistan and in Iraq. May he get a bullet in his body for each and every bullet that his troops shot at all the innocent victims all around the world!!



Anyway…I’m in a mood…an undefined one of course…

It’s almost the same mood that made me write my first ever piece of Arabic prose…

بلا وطن، بلا هوية

مسافرة من غير هوية،
مسافرة بلا أحاسيس انتمائية،
كأنني رحالة بدوية
تتجول بين الربع الخالي والصحراء الغربية،
رحلت عن أرض أبويَ،
قبل أن أرى الشمس اليمنية،
ثم رحلت عن مسقط رأسيَ،
بسبب قرارات غبية،
قرارات تحمل اسم الوطنية،
قرارات، للأسف، عربية،
قرارات قبلية،
تتنافى والديانة الإسلامية،
قرارات بسبب الجنسية!
وبعد ذلك يقولون بيننا روابط أخوية،
وتباعدنا كتباعد الأجرام السماوية

للأسف، حكامنا يخطئون،
ويقع الخطأ على الشعوب "الأبية"!!
كيف لا؟! وحكامنا يحكمهم حكام الامبرالية!
كيف لا؟!
وحكامنا لا يهمهم غير الشؤون النفطية،
وأرصدتهم المالية،
وكم أصبح لهم في البنوك الأجنبية والسويسرية،
وكم ظلوا على الكراسي؟!
هل حطموا الأرقام القياسية؟!
وهل أبادوا جميع "الألسنة الاعتراضية"
ذات "العقول التخلفية"!
والأفكار "الرجعية"!!

عربية!!!
وترميني بلادي من الخليج إلى المحيط على أرض غربية
أرض أجنبية،
تفتح لي ذراعيها وتستقبلني بحنية،
وتعطيني الجنسية

عربية!!!!
ولو حملت مائة جنسية غريبة!!!
لكن لشؤون دولية،
وأسباب سياسية،
يجب أن أتأجنب وأقول بالعربية:
"أنا أجنبية"
وأدخل بلادى، وطني ووطن والديَّ!
كأجنبية!
لأعامل معاملة طبيعية!
معاملة فيها رقة وودية!
لأني أخيرا لم أعد يمنية!
ولا عربية!
لأنني أصبحت كندية!!
يا للمسخرة، يا للسخرية!!!

International Stealing Day!

I received a funny sms today. It says:

Today is world Stealing Day! So tell me 1 thing you would like to steal from
me. Send this msg to ur friends, u will be surprised at the answers you
get. Reply is a Must!

So after replying (i wanted to steal the laugh!), I forwarded the messages to some friends. And I did get some surprising funny answers.

One of them was “your model body”. I think fasting has affected the sight of some people!!
Other answers were: “your kind heart” (don’t they know me better), “your brain” (don’t they KNOW me better), “your faith” (I liked this one!!), and a couple of “all of you” (yeah right! And that’s why I’m still single! Or maybe they think my family would pay ransom to get me back!! Ha Ha and HAAAA!)

But the funniest one was the one that said “your brain and then your handbags!” :D That’s smart!

Go ahead, send this message to your friends… it’s a cheap and easy way of getting compliments! After all, no one said they want to steal my pizza face!!

Silken Wings

Silken Wings

A butterfly fluttered inside my being...body and soul
As my eyes lay upon you for the first time
For you,
The man who as sure I am of my love for
I am sure he will break my heart along the line
Suffering is my future! So clear as in a crystal ball
Yet I helplessly and stubbornly fly towards your shine!
For you,
I pull my silken wings, dip them in a bottle of drying ink,
To write to you, just you, the contents of a heart...
Throbbing with passion
Aching for a touch
Longing for reassurance
To write to you, just you, these long-silenced whispers!

A Naked Tree

شجرة تعرت!

عربية أنا
هكذا تقول سلالتي
جذور شجرتي التاريخية مثبتة في أرض بلقيس
جذعها يغطي شبه الجزيرة
وأغصانها تحتضن وطنا عربيا
حفظت ملامح حدوده في حصص الاجتماعيات!
وأنا...إحدى أوراقها....الصفراء
أذبل قبل أن أنضج...أتهاوى قبل أن أكمل رسالتي

عربية أنا...
دمي يقول ذلك...
كياني ....لساني... انتمائي...كلهم يقولون ذلك
وشيء ما في داخلي...يصرخ...كاذبون
هي غلاف طبع عليه (صنع في بلاد العرب)..
خاوٍ....فارغ...
مزيف!!

خلل ما حدث في جيناتي...
تاهت خصائص أجدادي الوراثية في خلاياي
وربما هو خلل وقع في إيصالها من الجذور....إلى الأوراق
عربية أنا...لكنني لست تكرارا لأسلافي
ولست أيضا ابتكارا....بصفات محسنة...وبنسخة محدثة
خرجت من عباءتهم الأصيلة...فتعريت! وسقطت!
وليتني كنت وحدي! لكن جميع أوراق الشجرة سقطت معي!!

Digging the Poems Up!

I used to write Arabic prose.

I wanted to post some of it today, so here are a few.

Enjoy!

************

اغضبْ

اغضبْ! كسّر قيدكْ!
اصرخْ! حطّم صمتكْ!
اذكر أرضكْ!
ابذلْ نفسكْ
احرقْ! اضربْ!
اغضب! اغضب! اغضبْ!

لا تقبـلْ ذلاً لا تخنـعْ
وحياتك للأقصى ادفعْ!
اشهرْ سيفكْ!
جهزّ نعشكْ!
بالسيف الحق فقط يرجعْ!
قاتلْ! اغضبْ!

اغضبْ! أرجعْ حقّكْ!
اهدمْ! حائط خوفكْ
ارهبْ خصمكْ
يخشى حجركْ
اشعلْ! ألّبْ!
اغضب! اغضب! اغضبْ!

لا تأمنْ من طبعه يخدعْ
أبـدا لعدوك لا تخضعْ
انصبْ ظهركْ!
ارفع رأسكْ!
لا تحنِ القامةَ لا تركعْ!
قاوم! اغضب!

The End Before the Beginning!!

I don’t usually like to talk about the killings happening around the world or comment on it. After all, what would I say on the earthquake that hit Pakistan over the weekend?! hmmm I'm Sorry People?!!

Words are useless in these situations. They have no real value.

Over the weekend, I received an email with some pictures. They are death pictures. I don’t share these pictures usually. But today I will.

It’s a picture of a baby. Murdered.

A pregnant woman, in her 8th month, was standing in front of her house in Mosul, Iraq. She was shot dead by a US soldier.

When it was safe to move, her neighbors rushed her to hospital, to try and save her fetus.

The fetus didn’t make it.

The bullet hit his abdomen and came out from his back.

He was executed one month before he was due to born!!

The pictures are not for the weak hearted!












To feel for the people in Iraq, I suggest visiting this blog A Star From Mosul

Hot Chocolate and Adpapers

I was told to write an article about Arab Media. I thought it would be fun even though I was not actually the one who is supposed to write it. Anyway... I did write something. Something that was described as "my style throughout" and "will put me in trouble if it goes out!"

I was then asked to rewrite it and put some positive remarks! Basically lie.
I did...and guess what...the piece was still negative and would still put me in trouble! The magazine might publish it just because they reserved the spot for it! Miserable sods!


Any way... I did say that I will write something and it will go to my blog either way (I don't like wasting!)

So…here goes the original piece!

******************

As a long resident of the region, I’ve become an expert on how to read our local newspapers. My technique varies very slightly every day, but it mainly consists of scanning the death lines, aka the headlines, flipping through tens of colored and glossy pages, glancing at the business section, and then checking the classified, the almost single original piece of information in the ever growing bundle of daily papers! It doesn’t take me more than 15 minutes every morning to go through the different dailies, while I sip my cup of hot chocolate.

The media in the UAE and the surrounding areas, whether written or seen, suffers from one main shortcoming: the content, or the lack of it.

Why do specific issues, like the Palestinian Occupied Territories and Iraq, get the full coverage, while issues like poverty, education, health and prejudices in labor laws, to name just a few, are hardly discussed or even raised?

Yes, it is important to know about the injustices happening in Palestine and Iraq and media must cover them. I am not belittling these issues. But what our local media has is what I call “news diarrhea”. Everyone knows the history of the Palestinian struggle. Most journalists have been raised and fed the Palestinian conflict and they grasp its saga, chronicle and rundown perfectly. Accordingly everyone is a voluble expert.
So is the case with Iraq.
These are “easy” issues that any dabbler can become proficient in.

Another repeated issue is that of Political Islam and Islamists. Anyone with a beard who knows a couple of the Prophet’s sayings and a few verses of Quraan is a scholar who can give fatwa’s on Jihad and Hijab.

When the issue is exhausted, anyone can say their two pence worth. This is why we have thousands of commentators on the Palestinian issue and hundreds of thousands Islamic writers and academics!

On the other hand, if you look at the financial section in a newspaper or at the financial programs on the multiplying Arabic channels, you would find it a very dry and parched desert. It is a desert because to convert it into a flourishing oasis you would need to research and study. Research and study are unheard of components in Arabic journalism. Except if it is to research the translation of a specialized term.

Social issues like child abuse, poverty and health care are left uncovered and untold. Investigative reporting is scarce as it involves more work than blowing the regular tune in the trumpet.

What the Arabic media seems to have forgotten is that journalism is about new information, not repetitive infertile loud headlines.
Local media is focused on the global issues and has turned its back to the native problems. Whether intentional or not, this focus diverts and distracts the audiences from local troubles by minimizing the internal issues and amplifying the external danger.

What we need today is specialized real journalism. We need educated journalists specialized in law, medicine, technology, business & finance. Journalists that understand both the customers need and the demands of the competitive market.

Until then, I will continue to sip on my hot chocolate while flipping quickly through the Adpapers, aka the local dailies!

******************

Wooooops

I sent a Ramadhan greeting by email this morning.
Being with the holy spirit of the month, I included a prayer…which I haven’t read fully!
You see, I was planning to read it tonight!

BIG MISTAKE!

I got a reply back from a guy who doesn’t know me well to know about my non existing marital status and in it he prayed for my son!
SON??!!

Oh yes!!
SON!!!

The prayer was by someone who has a child and basically was praying for his son!!


I always said if I get a son, I’ll call him Omar… and almost everyone who knows me well knows this fact.
I think they will be praying for me a lot this month cause they will be sure I’ve lost it completely!!!


Best part…
My friend Rania is married to an Omar and has a son called Adam…
She forwarded the email without reading the prayer too!!
She lost it even more than I did, confusing her husband with her son!!


Oh what a wonderful start of the month!

Ramadhan Kareem!

Ramadhan is here and as for the last few years, I have a plan to follow. I really behave during this holy month and I always pray that I behave after it. But the Devil keeps targeting me!!!

My new mobile has turned to be a useless piece of technology. It doesn’t support Arabic. You can’t imagine how frustrating it is to get so many Arabic Ramadhan greetings and you can’t see them!! I feel like I’m missing part of what has become an integral part of Ramadhan!

Any way…

Ramadhan Mubarak to All!

The Box of Chocolates

No I’m not writing about my addiction to chocolates today.

But this post “is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.”
Exactly like my (already empty) box of Patchi.


Finesse (Plain milk chocolate)

Last year, Asif gave me a birthday gift after 3 months of the day. Actually the date was much closer to his December birthday than it was to mine!
He gave me a gift certificate from Burjuman and I redeemed it at Louis Vuitton. Now whenever anyone complements me on my LV Monogram Multicolore Pochette Cles, I tell them Asif got me 20% of it!
This impresses many people!

This year, and only after 20 days of my birthday, I got Asif’s gift.
To be fair, he did SMS me on my birthday wishing me a happy one and I replied thanking him for his condolences.
Any way, poor Asif who always faces dilemmas with giving gifts opted for the easy way and gave me cash!

I tell yo,u men have no imagination!

But really….THANK YOU ASIF. (hint: green for next time Asif, think Dollars!)

You see, he knows I’m a shopaholic, and he must have thought there is nothing better than giving me money to go shopping myself!!
Plus he knows I don’t trust his taste!

So he did do the smart thing! Really.

Yeah, he is a good friend; he takes my abuse and actually bothers to give me a gift after that.

I’ll keep you posted on what gift Asif contributed in!



Audace (Milk chocolate with hazelnuts pieces)

My home is filled with nuts!

I’m serious!

On Saturday, I finally succumbed to the “need” to buy a new mobile phone. (I like the word succumbed!)
I don’t really need a new mobile, as I’m not a phone person. But the one I had was falling apart. Literally.
Shame of losing my image of a sophisticated lady made me go and get myself a Sony Eriksson P910i.

As it’s a new toy, and the joy that comes with newness hasn’t wore off yet, I went around the house last night and asked the members of my family to record their names in a funny way. Each recording was then used to be their personalized ring tone.

What a crack!

Every one came up with something funnier than the other!
My parents and my grandma got into it too!
I will certainly look forward for the calls coming from them cause these tones are HILARIOUS!

Of course there is always a party pooper, and this time it was Aminah who was in a very dark mood (for some reason, though I’m attributing it to reading the Di Vinci Code. She is not used to reading. Anything!) and refused to make a fool of herself for a ring tone! Urgh!

Now I’m getting some of my friends to do their own ring tones too!!
Nutty people!


Légère (Milk chocolate with hazelnuts pieces & rice crispies)

I was chatting last week with David, my Swedish colleague, about funny movies and series or something like that (I actually can’t remember what we were chatting about!), when he told me about The Family Guy.
Since I’ve never even heard of it, David lent me his DVD.
After a couple of days, and after David getting annoyed with me for not watching the DVD yet, I watched the first few episodes over the weekend. And then some more yesterday.

The Family Guy (uncut and uncensored… sounds sinister, doesn’t it?) gets a thumbs up from me!

The Griffins are a hoot!
I particularly enjoyed the Stewie character, “the baby”. He sounds like one of the Crane brothers (that’s Fraiser for non-Fraiser fans) but with a very devilish twist!
But the combination of the characters and the plots is very refreshing indeed!



Ok better close this box of chocolates… you don’t want a pizza face, do you?

Grim Grimm’s!

Diana and I went to see The Brothers Grimm (Matt Damon & Heath Ledger) yesterday.

I went because I thought it would be a funny movie to watch and she went cause she thought it would be a nice biography of her fellow country men.

She enjoyed the movie.

I HATED IT. But then our tastes are on the opposite sides of the spectrum.

It was a mess of a movie.
I found myself concentrating hard to follow the speedy scenes and to catch the plot, but with no luck. After all, you can’t catch something that didn’t exist!

It was really very frustrating.

AED 30 wasted.
Yes it was a total waste even though Matt is one of the few actors I like!